Prom season is in full swing. So remember, angels: Drink responsibly, use protection, and pray to God up above you don’t encounter anything from today’s list of the Top Things You Never Want to Hear From Your Prom Date
You look gorgeous. I can’t believe you’re my daughter.
You like my dress? I skinned it myself.
Your little brother is so cool. Let’s bring him along!
I know I said Dutch, but let’s have you go ahead and pay for everything.
Hi, I’m your blind date . . . you can just call me Mr. Polanski.
Do you care if my dad, Michael J. Fox, pins your boutonniere?
My alcohol hook-up didn’t come through, but I got us a case of Sunny D!
Oh, you thought I was a girl?
The flowers are courtesy of FTD, the rash on my junk from STD.
I thought YOU were bringing the condoms!
I know I parked far away. But this way, no one will hear your rape whistle.
This will be fun . . . you’re like the only guy in school I haven’t slept with.
Tonight’s band is Great White.
Did you know I led the league in sacks when I was playing for the ’86 Giants?
Sorry, I got totally baked and ate your corsage.
I’ve never done it with a girl before, just lots of boys.
Before dinner, can we swing by a hospital? I’m starting to crest.
This video is gonna KILL on YouPorn.
Before we go to the dance, I need to swing by the slaughterhouse to pick up a
bucket of pig blood.
Can we stop at the drugstore? My Valtrex prescription is ready.
I know I caught you off-guard, but I figured, why can’t guys wear prom dresses, too?
Thanks for going to the prom with me. It was hard to find a date, what with all the
You got a good chance of getting lucky with me . . . after I do the football team.